His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
