Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize