I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
