in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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