You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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