We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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