Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
