at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
