i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
