I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
