but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
