Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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