I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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