My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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