I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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