she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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