Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
