tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
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I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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