I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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