she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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