How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize