They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
