I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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