i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
