hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
