You can't special order awesome
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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