Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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