We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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