dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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