so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
