whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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