Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
