i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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