Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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