You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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