New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize