I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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