You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
