my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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