so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
