was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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