i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
