Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize