Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
