I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My bed smells like the plague
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
