i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
