Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
