Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
