Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Never underestimate the power of titties