dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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