You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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