My room smells like vodka and shame
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
