just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's always time for handjobs
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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