Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You may now shotgun with the bride
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
