dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Two words: blizzard sex
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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