don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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