So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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