I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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