But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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